Are You an Emotional Avoider?

Understanding the urge to avoid—and why it’s worth leaning in instead.

Do you find yourself shutting down, distracting, or numbing out when big feelings show up? Maybe you keep busy, scroll your phone endlessly, turn to food or substances, or tell yourself, “I’m fine”—even when you’re not. If so, you might be emotionally avoiding, and you're definitely not alone.

Why We Avoid Emotions

Avoiding difficult emotions often starts as a survival strategy. For many people, it’s a learned response rooted in trauma or early life experiences. Maybe you were taught that emotions were “too much,” or that expressing sadness, fear, or anger wasn’t acceptable. Maybe it didn’t feel safe to feel.

In those moments, pushing feelings away worked. Emotional avoidance might have helped you get through tough times, keep the peace, or feel more in control.

When Avoidance Stops Serving You

Over time, what once helped you cope can start to hurt. Avoiding emotions doesn't make them disappear—it just pushes them underground, where they often come out in other ways. Chronic emotional avoidance can lead to:

• Anxiety or depression

• Substance use

• Disordered eating

• Self-harm

• Burnout or emotional numbness

• Difficulty connecting with others

These behaviors can become attempts to manage what we haven’t learned to feel.

Emotions Aren’t Dangerous—Even When They’re Uncomfortable

It’s understandable to fear big emotions. They can feel overwhelming or even threatening. But the truth is, emotions themselves are not dangerous. They rise, peak, and fall like waves. Learning to tolerate emotional discomfort can lead to growth, healing, and deeper self-understanding.

Emotions Are Messengers

Your emotions are your body’s way of sending you important information.

• Anger might be telling you that a boundary was crossed.

• Sadness might be inviting you to slow down and grieve.

• Anxiety might be pointing to something you care about.

When we stop avoiding and start listening, we can begin to respond to our needs with more clarity and compassion.

Therapy Can Help

If you’re tired of numbing out or running from your emotions, therapy can be a supportive place to start. Through therapy, you can learn to explore your emotional patterns, build emotional awareness, and develop healthier ways of coping. Learning to feel your feelings doesn’t happen overnight—but you don’t have to do it alone.