Healthy Boundaries, Hold the Guilt
With the holidays approaching, many of us are preparing for gatherings, travel, and full calendars. While this season can bring connection and joy, it can also stir up stress, overwhelm, and guilt especially when it comes to setting boundaries.
Boundaries are simply the limits we set to protect our energy, emotional well-being, and time. Yet, even when we know what we need, it can feel hard to communicate those needs. If we’re used to putting others first, it can feel extra tricky to do what is best for yourself. Guilt often shows up when we fear we are disappointing others, being seen as “selfish,” or not meeting expectations.
What is the function of guilt?
Guilt appropriately shows up when we have acted outside of our moral code. For example, if I believe it is wrong to steal and I shoplift from a store, then the emotion of guilt is valid and appropriate. It’s my mind’s way of signaling that I’ve acted against my values. But when guilt shows up simply because we’ve said “no,” prioritized rest, or declined an invitation, it’s often misplaced. In these moments, guilt isn’t signaling wrongdoing, it’s signaling discomfort with change.
The truth is, guilt isn’t always a reliable signal that you’ve done something wrong. Sometimes guilt is a false alarm, rooted in old beliefs that your worth is tied to pleasing others. In those moments, it helps to pause and ask yourself:
Is this guilt telling me I’ve truly done something wrong, or is it discomfort from doing something new and healthy?
Am I saying no because I’m protecting my peace, my energy, or my recovery?
Learning to tolerate that discomfort is part of building stronger self-trust. When we continually push past our own limits to keep others happy, we end up depleted, resentful, and disconnected from ourselves. Over time, that erodes self-respect and makes it harder to trust our own needs.
This holiday season, notice where you may need to set a boundary. Whether it’s around time, conversations, food, or relationships, remind yourself that boundaries are an act of kindness, not rejection. They allow you to show up as your best, most grounded self.
Setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, it becomes an expression of self-care, self-respect, and authenticity.
