The Fawn Response: Can People-Pleasing Be a Trauma Reaction?
Most of us have heard of the “fight, flight, or freeze” responses—the instinctive ways we react to stress or danger. But there is a fourth response that’s lesser known: the fawn response. Also called the “please and appease” response, fawning involves abandoning one’s own needs to appease someone perceived as a threat. This response aims to pacify the threat in hopes of preventing further harm.
The fawn response is often tied to relational trauma or ongoing, complex trauma, where an individual may have learned to prioritize others' needs or emotions over their own as a means of survival. While this response can be adaptive in the face of danger, it can also persist long after the threat is gone, showing up in ways that interfere with healthy relationships and personal well-being.
What Does the Fawn Response Look Like?
The fawn response often manifests as people-pleasing behaviors or tendencies toward codependency. Here are some common signs:
Putting others’ needs over your own
Struggling with individuality or a sense of self
Difficulty saying no
Challenges with holding boundaries
Trying to fix others or feeling responsible for their emotions
Overly seeking approval
An inability to tolerate disagreement or conflict
These behaviors often stem from deeply ingrained patterns designed to help navigate stressful or unsafe situations. While these responses may have been necessary for survival in the past, they can become overactive and harmful in the present, making it difficult to live a balanced, fulfilling life.
Trauma Responses: Adaptive, but Sometimes Harmful
Trauma responses like fawning develop to help us survive difficult or dangerous situations. However, when these responses become habitual, they can limit our ability to meet our own needs and thrive. The fawn response, in particular, can lead to burnout, resentment, and a lack of authentic connection in relationships.
Recognizing the fawn response in yourself is the first step toward change. By understanding your patterns and how they show up in your life, you can begin to take steps to respond differently to stress and triggers.
Steps Toward Healing
Therapy can help you adapt and shirt the way you respond to stressors. In therapy, you can work to:
Increase Awareness: Learn to identify when you’re responding to stress by fawning. Awareness is key to disrupting automatic patterns.
Slow Down Automatic Responses: Practice grounding techniques and nervous system regulation to pause and respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.
Reframe Threat Perceptions: Develop the ability to discern whether a situation truly poses a threat or if it’s activating old patterns.
Advocate for Your Needs: Learn to recognize your own needs and practice self-advocacy in a way that feels safe and empowering.
Build Healthy Relationships: Explore what reciprocal, supportive relationships look like. Work toward creating connections that are based on mutual respect and care rather than one-sidedness or codependency.
Set and Maintain Boundaries: Learn to set boundaries that protect your well-being while allowing relationships to thrive. Boundaries are an essential part of healthy relationships and self-care.
Finding Balance
The fawn response is rooted in survival, but healing involves learning that not every situation is a threat and that your needs and emotions are just as important as others’. By becoming aware of these patterns, practicing self-regulation, and building skills in therapy, you can move toward healthier, more balanced relationships—with others and with yourself.
If you’ve recognized yourself in the description of the fawn response, know that healing is possible. Therapy provides a safe, supportive space to explore these patterns, learn new skills, and create a happier, more balanced life.
