What is Emotional Intelligence?
We often hear about the importance of IQ, but there’s another kind of intelligence that plays just as big of a role in our wellbeing: emotional intelligence (EI or EQ). Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our and other’s emotions.
At its core, emotional intelligence includes four main skills:
Self-awareness: noticing and naming your feelings.
Self-regulation: managing strong emotions so they don’t take over.
Empathy: understanding and caring about what others are feeling.
Relationship skills: using emotional awareness to communicate and connect in healthy ways.
Additionally, developing EI can actually serve as a protective factor against mental health struggles like anxiety, depression, and burnout. Here’s how:
Better stress management: Recognizing stress early allows us to use coping skills before it becomes overwhelming.
Healthier coping strategies: People with strong EI are more likely to reach out for support or practice self-care instead of turning to avoidance or unhealthy behaviors.
Stronger relationships: Empathy and communication skills foster connection, one of the most important buffers against loneliness and isolation.
Resilience through challenges: Emotional regulation helps us bounce back from setbacks, failures, or tough seasons of life.
Imagine a college student feeling nervous before a big exam. With emotional intelligence, they might recognize their nerves as normal anxiety, practice deep breathing, and remind themselves, “I’ve prepared for this.” Without those skills, they might spiral into negative self-talk “I’m going to fail, I’m not smart enough” which fuels stress and hopelessness.
That difference matters. Over time, emotional intelligence helps us navigate challenges with more confidence and less self-criticism.
How to Build Emotional Intelligence
The good news? Emotional intelligence is something we can learn and strengthen at any age. Here are a few simple ways to start:
Practice naming your emotions. Try journaling about what you’re feeling and why. Putting words to emotions builds self-awareness.
Pause before reacting. When emotions run high, take a breath before responding. This small pause creates space for thoughtful choices instead of impulsive reactions.
Try mindfulness. Even a few minutes of noticing your breath or tuning into your senses can help you stay grounded and aware of your emotions.
Build empathy. Practice imagining how someone else might be feeling in a given situation. Ask curious, open-ended questions to deepen understanding.
Seek feedback. Trusted friends or a therapist can help reflect how you come across and how your emotions affect others.
Therapy can be a powerful place to practice these skills. With guidance and support, you can learn to better understand yourself, strengthen your relationships, and build resilience that protects your mental health long-term.
