When Joy and Grief Coexist: Holidays after Loss

The holiday season is often portrayed as joyful and celebratory, filled with traditions, family gatherings, and shared memories. When you’re grieving the loss of someone you love, this time of year can feel especially heavy. The holidays may highlight what, or who, is missing, and the season may not feel the same as it once did.

Grief looks different for everyone, and there is no “right” way to experience it. It’s also not a linear process. You may notice moments of connection or even joy alongside waves of sadness, longing, or fatigue. For many people, the holidays can intensify grief, bringing emotions to the surface in unexpected ways.

If you’re navigating grief this season, here are some gentle ways to care for yourself:

1. Give yourself permission to slow down.
The holidays often come with full calendars and expectations. It’s okay to say no, leave early, or skip events altogether. Protecting your energy is not selfish, it’s necessary.

2. Listen to your body and your emotions.
Check in with yourself regularly. How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Grief can show up as exhaustion, tension, sadness, or numbness. Let those cues guide what you need, whether that’s rest, movement, quiet time, or connection.

3. Find meaningful ways to honor your loved one.
Honoring the person you’ve lost can be a powerful part of the healing process. This might look like donating to a cause they cared about, volunteering, cooking their favorite meal, lighting a candle, looking through photos, or listening to music that reminds you of them.

4. Reach out for support.
You don’t have to carry grief alone. Let trusted friends or family members know how they can support you—whether that’s checking in, sitting with you, or simply listening without trying to fix anything.

5. Talk about your loved one if it feels helpful.
Sharing memories, stories, or what you miss can be deeply healing. Talking about your loved one helps keep their memory alive and allows space for connection and understanding.

6. Revisit traditions with flexibility.
The holidays may look different now, and that’s okay. You can decide which traditions still feel comforting, which need to be modified, and which you may want to pause this year. Creating new traditions can also be a meaningful way to honor both your grief and your growth.

7. Practice gentle self-care.
Grief can be draining. Small acts of care, like getting fresh air, journaling, spending time with a pet, engaging in something creative, or practicing mindfulness, can help you feel more grounded during a difficult season.

The holidays can be complicated when you’re grieving. Be kind to yourself, take things one day at a time, and remember that support is available. Grief doesn’t mean you’re doing the holidays “wrong”, it means you’re human, missing someone who mattered deeply.